Overheard at the Dollar Tree

Several months ago, I was at the local Dollar Tree with my 4 year old daughter Josie and newborn son. It was Friday afternoon and Josie had completed a good week at school so we made a quick stop so she would pick out anything she wanted in the entire store. As you might imagine, we spent quite a long time searching up and down the aisles for just the right treasure to take home with us.

While we were browsing, I noticed an older woman shopping with her adult son *Richard who has Down syndrome. I smiled and carried on with my shopping adventure. Josie finally settled on a mask to add to her dress up collection and we moseyed toward the checkout line.

Richard and his mom were ahead of us in the checkout line and were just outside the door when the two ladies in line behind us began to talk about them. I can’t really say they were whispering, but it was the sort of hushed tones that are spoken when the phrase “bless his heart” is used in the conversation.

Here’s what they said:

“What do you think is going to happen to him (Richard) when his mother dies?”

“Well, I have no idea.”

“Surely a social worker is involved.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

By that point in the conversation, Josie had painfully parted with her 4 quarters and seven pennies and we were heading out the door ourselves, into the gray winter afternoon. Had I not been holding a baby only a few weeks old with a four year old in tow, I would have added to the conversation. I was shocked at their assumption that a social worker was assigned to coordinate plans for this woman.

Here is the reality of life for families affected by disability: they do not have a personal social worker assigned to them with the task of guiding them through the challenges and difficult decisions of life! Do you have this in your family?

Each member of the family is impacted when one or more members experiences any type of disability. Their “normal” days can be filled with challenges and tasks that the general public has never even considered! This might include changing diapers for decades, planning every trip outside the house around a complicated schedule of medication, therapy and home health nurses, implementing complex behavior program on an hourly basis, searching endlessly for the “right” socks, hours on the phone with doctors & insurance companies and millions of other every day realities.

News flash – each of these families has to figure out how to navigate all the specialized issues in their lives. Most of them do it alone without any outside support.

The social isolation and loneliness brought on by these challenges becomes the biggest “disability” for the family. In fact, disability advocate Beth Mount said that “loneliness is the only real disability”. (Read more here if you are interested)

This is why ConnectAbility exists as an organization. It’s the purpose behind all the programs that we do. How is loneliness combatted? With relationships!

What Richard and his mom need is not to be a number on a caseload of a social worker. They need real friends and supporters in the community. Not people who talk in hushed tones at the Dollar Tree. People who smile and say hello, ask how things are going and then really listen to the answers. People to come by their home and help with laundry or cooking. People to invite them over for dinner. People to talk to about the hard things in life – like what Richard is going to do when his mom is no longer able to care for him.

But it’s not a chore to do these things. You and I do them every day in our own relationships! ConnectAbility’s goal is to provide environments and settings to make these relationships happen for people with disabilities who may need a little extra support. As an organization, we make introductions and then watch the magic happen as everyone learns from and teaches one another.

We want you to be part of this magic! Get involved by volunteering, joining as a participant, giving financially and sharing our message.

And next time you encounter a person with disabilities when you are out and about, do this: smile. Say hello.

Don’t assume.

 

*Richard is not his real name.