“We don’t do that for everybody. We can’t do that for you.”

“We don’t do that for everybody.
We can’t do it for you.
Everyone else will expect us to do that for them too.”

As a friend and supporter of many people with disabilities, that explanation is one of the things I dread to hear.

Why?

Because it’s NOT TRUE.

So many people have the idea in their heads that fairness means doing exactly the same thing for every single person in a given situation. I have another definition of fairness: doing what each person needs in a given situation.

I have heard this viewpoint from parents enrolling their young children in local sports programs. One mom in particular took her son with autism to his first practice for the instructional basketball team in our community. (Instructional is the key word here.) After the half hour practice was over, the coach came up to this mother and explained that her son was not going to be able to continue playing with the team because he was “all over the place” at practice. The mom explained her son’s needs and asked if he could be accompanied by an assistant during practice to help him stay focused and process what was happening on the team.

The answer:

“No. We don’t do that for everybody.
We can’t do it for you.
Everyone else will expect us to do that for them too.”

Consider the logic here as applied to another situation:

“No, your son cannot wear glasses while he plays basketball.
The other kids aren’t wearing glasses.
Why should your kid wear glasses?”

Because he NEEDS the glasses to be SEE and be able to PARTICIPATE!

Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?!

Now, Mr. Bryan Sperry is an 89 year old World War II Veteran who played football with the University of Kansas in 1946. 1946!

He recently made a touchdown at a KU alumni football game. What if this logic had been applied to his participating in the game? It might have sounded something like this…

“No, I’m sorry Mr. Sperry, you can’t play in our alumni football game. You are 89 years old and we’re not set up for you to be a part of the team. The other players are faster and stronger than you. You could fall and break your hip.

Besides, we’ve never had an 89 year old player on the team. I bet our liability insurance doesn’t cover that.

Now, if we let you run the ball down the field, all the other players will want to have the same opportunity and we just can’t do that.”

Do you see the joy on Mr. Sperry’s face? Do you see the celebration of the other players? If the inflexible rule of “fairness” had been applied to his situation, he would have been sitting on the sidelines and this alumni game would have been viewed by no one online.

Mr. Sperry is slow compared to the other players. He’s not nearly as agile. Does this mean he shouldn’t play? No way!

Think about the other people all around us who are “warming the bench” or not even allowed to play at all. Let’s make sure we are providing the support that others need so that they can get in the game!