The Value of a Life
A tragic loss of life occurred in Dawsonville on November 5.
Dustin Hicks, a 14 year old young man was shot by his mother who then shot herself. Dustin’s father came to the home for his weekly visit and felt that something was amiss when no one answered the door. He called the sheriff’s department who came and entered the house through the basement door. Upon entering, they discovered the bodies of Dustin and his mother, Nina Hicks.
News media picked up on the tragedy and here are a couple of reports. Please take a few minutes to read the stories to get more information about what happened.
http://www.11alive.com/story/news/local/2015/11/06/murder-suicide-dawson-county/75289544/
http://www.wsmv.com/story/30453586/woman-teenage-boy-found-dead-inside-dawsonville-home
I am horrified by the facts of this story. I had the privilege to teach Dustin for a time when he was in kindergarten and he was one of the most adorable kids I ever worked with.
One detail I didn’t mention above: Dustin was diagnosed with autism and Chron’s Disease. Does this change much in the story? Well, it turns out that it depends on who you ask.
What could make this situation even more horrifying? One media outlet’s headline of the story read “Dawsonville murder-suicide was possible mercy killing”. The fact that this situation could be considered a mercy killing devalues Dustin’s life simply because he lived with disabilities. This is not acceptable. Dustin’s life has value because it was his life. Just like everyone on the planet, Dustin had gifts & talents to share with others.
According to the US Census, nearly one in five Americans is living with a disability of some type. Are these lives less valuable due to a diagnosis or difference? Absolutely not. But when the conversation shifts in that direction, questions creep in. Is it justifiable to end someone’s life because of a disability? Was this mother validated in shooting her young son because of his challenges and differences? Is this a rational path for other families to take?
My intention is never to minimize the challenges faced by families impacted by disability. When one family member is living with a disability, it affects the entire family in many ways. But recent studies have shown that the loneliness and social isolation faced by these families is the biggest challenge they face – bigger even than the developmental, medical, physical or behavioral manifestations of disability. (See more information on David Pitonyak’s website). To put this into perspective, people who live with extreme amounts of loneliness and social isolation experience health problems and shortened life spans equivalent to smoking two packs of cigarettes a day!
Nina Hicks, Dustin’s mother, faced intense isolation. Many people from various walks of life reached out to provide support for their needs but it appears that the appeals were not received. Nina is not alone. You may be surprised to hear that many parents of children or adults with disabilities have considered doing what she followed through with. I would venture a guess that many more have considered it than haven’t.
One brave ConnectAbility parent shared with me that she was headed in the same direction as Ms. Hicks about a year ago. Her adult daughter, like Dustin, is diagnosed with severe autism and major digestive health problems. The family was drowning under the weight of social isolation and a doctor recognized the struggles. He helped this mom to see how her lack of support was a real problem. As a result, she was able get connected with our Parent Support Group and now the entire family is actively involved with ConnectAbility programs.
One of the cornerstone beliefs of ConnectAbility is that every life has value. What this means in action is that we work to find creative ways for everyone to get involved with their community through what we do. This is not a quick and easy “program” but rather a resolute effort by a large group to get to know each person and think about creative ways he or she can be involved. It is not the same as doing the same thing for every person – it’s doing what each person needs.
So, let’s talk about what happened in Dawsonville for what it is: a horrendous tragedy. The loss of two valuable lives. The heartbreaking reality faced by many families impacted by disability.
If you are a parent or family member being crushed by the responsibilities of caring for a loved one with disabilities, please reach out. You are not alone! I assure you that others are waiting to reach out to you, to get to know you and to support you. Remember that a person’s needs are best met by people whose own needs are met. You are not being selfish by seeking support for yourself. Make a phone call, send an email or a text, talk to your doctor – do something today!
It may be Dustin’s last chance to share his gift with the world by encouraging those who are feeling overwhelmed to reach out.
Dustin, we honor your life. Nina, we validate your struggles. Friends, family members, neighbors – we pledge to reach out to you.